Dear Anthony,
Today you're 9 months. Some of the changes you've made are very obvious and easy to point out, while other times it's little things you do, things that are hard to describe, which show me more than ever that you're growing up.
When I was cleaning the house during your first nap today, I heard you start giggling. You talked to yourself, as usual. And after a little while you started to giggle, but it was mixed with a nervous sound. This happy/nervous laugh when on for a bit, and finally I couldn't take it anymore so I went up to see what you were doing. Anthony, you were STANDING in your crib. You were holding on with one hand and trying to tentatively step away while holding your other hand out. MAN. This was insane. I looked at you with a shocked look, and you looked back at me. We both exploded into giggles, and you had that "please come get me" look on your face. We were both so proud and happy about your accomplishment, and we had to hug over it! I hope I never forget the pleased look on your face and the sound of your laughter when I discovered you. I've seen you pull up on other things in the house, but for some reason this was different because I didn't see the process. I left you laying, and when I came back you were standing.
The second nap you had today, you were not into. We had to run around getting your baby food from Lesley and going to your 9-month check up, and you decided that no second nap was needed for today. There was maybe a period of 15 minutes where you were quiet, but after some whimpering I knew you were done so I came back and there you were...standing in the crib and crying, holding your arms out over the bars for me. HEARTBREAKING. I ran and scooped you up, and you are instantly quiet when we get together...two seconds later, giggles. We are inseparable right now.
This evening I had your dad lower your crib to the lowest setting since you are now a standing man. He forgot to do this until you were ready to go to bed so I held you in my arms like a little baby (which you usually never allow), and I hummed to you while Daddy went to work on the bed. You were giggling at me humming, and even though my arms and back were numb with pain from your weight, I cherished every minute of it. I looked at you and tried to soak in absolutely every thing I could. To my surprise, after a few minutes you fell asleep. Your thumb-sucking slowed down, and it fell out of your mouth as you snuggled closer to my body. We haven't done this since you were about 3 months old, and it was amazing. (Of course you then cried when I had to lay you down, but we rocked a little until you got over it.) I had a hard time walking out of your room when I saw the lowered crib. *Sigh* You're getting so big.
Today we played around on the guest bed, and you seemed to understand exactly how to play with me. We pillow fought (you were mainly attacked!), and you would crawl away as I would chase you. There were so many insane laughs, and we just seemed to be on the save wave length. Loved it!
You usually only say "mama" when I have to leave or if you want me...not when I'm close by and prompting you to say it. You say "dada" a lot now. This morning when your dad left, the door closed, and you looked that direction and whispered "dada?". Precious.
After your visit with the doctor today we've got some hard decisions to make, but I know you're a happy little guy so you'll be fine with whatever we need to do. Every time I walk into that office and see parents with newborns I think about the first weeks with you. I had no idea who you were or what I should do with you. Motherhood was nothing like I thought it would be. Now I feel like nobody will ever know you like I do (which of course will change when you grow up), and I can't imagine not being your mother. I was meant to have you for my wonderful son.
I love you,
Mom
